Homegrown Limericks

Here we go. I've chosen a selection of our limericks to post here for posterity. Most of you and moi are represented. Can you guess who wrote which? N.B. I did make a few minor tweaks here and there to conform the verse to the limerick "da DUM" pattern.

There was an old geezer from Butte
Whose face was no longer so cute.
His eyebrows were jutting.
The hairs needed cutting.
They ran down his face to his boot.

I knew a man who once chewed
So loudly was it very rude!
I gave him a stare
Returned by a glare
And out of his mouth flew the food.

My brocc'li tastes awful when chewed.
It also tastes awful when stewed.
My mother insists
While we all resist
And the brocc'li continu'lly gets booed.

Remeber the gum that I chewed
And with it that bubble I hewed?
I'm sorry to say
It may ruin your day
That all over you it just spewed.

I do not mean to complain,
Not of my very own name.
Yet it's such a both'a
When ya name's Julianna
And nobody spells it the same.

There was a young gal from Kentucky
Who stated her state was unlucky.
She swam 'cross the river.
Emerged with a shiver
And said, "Aint Ohio just ducky!"

I once held a book that was mine
Its pages held many a time
The killer yelled, "Stop,
Hold your hands high up top,
Turn around and look straight at the rhyme."

The neat little town they call Dwyer
Had people who lived in a dryer!
The people, they say,
Are all wet in the day
But I think that "they" are a liar.

There once was a fly in the hall
Who loved to provoke kids to bawl.
So he had some fun
And called out, "hey son!"
And watched them run into a wall.

One day I awoke with the sun
And decided to go for a run.
I tripped on my feet,
Fell into the street.
Getting hit by a car is no fun!

Once as I sat in the park
It seemed to grow ever so dark.
And then it did rain
Oh my, what a pain!
I guess I will build me an ark.

I love you sweet deer with dear love,
Much more than an ever dear dove
When I gut out your innards
And make you for dinnards
You taste better to my dearest love.

There once was a wee boy called Pete
Who couldn't sit still in his seat
The teachers, they tried
To make him abide
But they later accepted defeat.

I think that my school skirt's too plain
It's boring, old-fashioned, mundane
Put on my sweater
I think, "This aint better."
The monotony drives me insane

Gabriela fell out of the sky
To catch her, Troy Bolton did try.
"I'll catch you," he said.
But she smashed in his head.
Gabriela and Troy both did die.

There once was a girl from LA
Who stayed up throughout all the day.
She stayed up all night
For it was all light
And wondered why light it did stay.